Unit 91, unit 91?

"Do you need assistance, Unit 91?" Well, Yes I do. My assistant is heading for greener pastures somewhere yonder... quite litterally, Oregon I believe. And this has left me looking for a new assistant. I've tried to sum up what exactly I am looking for... Here is goes:

Wanted an assistant for one adorable photographer

If you want this choice position

Have a cheery disposition (amiable, charismatic, energetic [but not over the top] )

Rosy cheeks, no warts! (If you're easy on the eyes that's always a plus but really no warts)

Play games, all sort (Old school Nintendo, Jenga, Poker, COD, etc.)

You must be kind, you must be witty (Yes and yes)

Very sweet and fairly pretty (Again, yes and yes)

Take us on outings, give us treats (Willing to travel and have a love for good food)

Sing songs, bring sweets (Indie, hip-hop, opera, NPR, etc. I love gelato.)

Never be cross or cruel (Drama lamas need not apply)

Never give us castor oil or gruel (No and no)

Love us as a son and daughter (I love my friends like family)

And never smell of barley water (Sensible hygiene habits required)

If you won't scold and dominate us (I sign the checks so be nice)

We will never give you cause to hate us (I'm easy going)

We won't hide your spectacles (I actually might do this, sorry)

So you can't see (...see the computer, please be computer literate... CS4, email, etc.)

Put toads in your bed (I will not do this)

Or pepper in your tea (hopefully you like chai tea though)

Hurry, Nanny! (Hurry, future assistant!)

Many thanks

Sincerely, 

Brian Thomas Clay

But seriously if you're still interested in a part-time assistant position/future intern email me directly and we will gab this out. Me@BrianThomasClay.com